There’s a moment many parents know well.
You’re tired. Your kids are fighting. Something small happens, and suddenly everything feels overwhelming. Before you know it, you react in a way you didn’t want to, and the shame follows right after.
So naturally, you tell yourself, I need to fix this. I need to do better. I need to stop feeling this way.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in this pattern, you’re not alone. Many parents try to manage difficult emotions in parenting by pushing them away or trying to fix them quickly. However, what if that approach is actually keeping you stuck?
If you’d rather listen, you can tune into the podcast here:
🎧 The Cycle No One Talks About — and How to Escape It
▶️ You can also watch the full video below.
The Urge to Fix Difficult Emotions in Parenting
From a young age, many of us were taught that emotions are a problem.
“Stop crying.”
“Calm down.”
“Don’t be so sensitive.”
Even when those messages came from care, they often taught us to avoid discomfort. Because of this, it makes sense that as adults, we try to fix difficult emotions in parenting as quickly as possible.
We want to feel better.
We want to respond better.
We want the moment to pass.
But instead of helping, this instinct to fix often creates more pressure.
What Happened When I Tried to Fix Myself
For years, I believed that if I could just manage my emotions better, everything would change.
Although I had the tools and understood the theory, I still found myself burned out. I reacted in ways I didn’t want to, and afterward, I felt overwhelmed with shame.
So I kept trying harder. I thought effort alone would solve it.
But nothing really shifted.
The Moment That Changed Everything
One day stands out clearly.
I was already exhausted and on edge. It didn’t take much for things to tip over. My kids started fighting, and I reacted with anger.
Eventually, I stepped away. That took time and practice to learn, but I was able to pause.
Once I stepped away, I was flooded with emotion.
Anger. Shame. Exhaustion. Sadness.
In that moment, something became very clear. I couldn’t escape what I was feeling.
Why Pushing Emotions Away Doesn’t Work
It’s completely natural to want to move away from emotional pain.
Just like physical pain, emotional discomfort signals something we don’t want to feel. However, when we avoid or suppress difficult emotions in parenting, they don’t disappear.
Instead, they build.
Over time, they come back stronger and often show up in the exact moments we want to handle differently.
Because of this, many parents get stuck in a parenting shame cycle, where reaction is followed by self-criticism, which then increases stress.
What Changed When I Stopped Fighting My Emotions
At some point, I stopped trying to fix what I was feeling.
Instead, I began to stay with it. Not in a way that overwhelmed me, but in a way that allowed me to notice what was happening inside.
I started practicing self-compassion.
Although the emotions didn’t disappear, my relationship with them began to shift.
Over time, working with difficult emotions in parenting this way led to something unexpected.
My mind became quieter.
My anxiety lessened.
I felt more grounded in myself.
A Simple Way to Work With Your Emotions
One of the practices that helped me was RAIN.
It’s simple, but powerful.
Recognize
Start by naming what you’re feeling.
You might notice anger, sadness, fear, or frustration. In many cases, it’s more than one emotion at once.
Allow
Next, let the feeling be there without trying to push it away or judge it.
You don’t have to like it. Instead, you’re simply not fighting it.
Interconnected
Then remind yourself that you are not alone.
Many parents experience difficult emotions in parenting, and this is part of being human, not a sign that something is wrong.
Need
Finally, ask yourself what you need in this moment.
It might be connection.
It might be rest.
It might be reassurance.
Even placing your hand on your heart and saying, This is a hard moment, can begin to shift your experience.
When It Feels Too Much
Sometimes emotions feel overwhelming.
If you feel flooded or unable to stay present, that matters. It may mean you are outside your window of tolerance.
In those moments, it’s okay to step back.
You can gently distract yourself, calm your body, or reach out for support. In fact, working with difficult emotions in parenting is not about forcing yourself to stay in something unmanageable.
Instead, it’s about finding a pace that feels safe.
A Different Way to Respond
When we stop trying to fix our emotions, something important happens.
We begin to listen.
As a result, we start to understand what those emotions are trying to tell us. And instead of reacting automatically, we create space to respond differently.
This is where change begins.
A Gentle Reflection
Take a moment to reflect:
What is one emotion you’ve been trying to push away or fix this past week?
And what might that emotion be trying to tell you?
A Different Way Forward
Your emotions are not something you need to fix.
They are something you can learn from.
When you begin to approach difficult emotions in parenting with curiosity instead of control, your relationship with yourself begins to change.
And from that place, your parenting can begin to change too.
🎧 If you’d like to listen to this specific episode directly, you can find it here:
The light in me sees the light in you.
Be well.