Milk splashed onto the table as my son pushed away the bowl of cereal I had poured for him in a rush. A numbness fell over me. Peaceful meal times seemed to be a hopeless pursuit and I was tired of trying. During parent burnout when I was tired, hopeless thoughts could creep in very easily. It can be especially difficult to remember a situation is temporary when we are exhausted.
When my kids were small, I was depleted a lot. Their sleep was hit or miss. I stayed up late working. I was weary. Rest was a foreign concept and getting enough sleep seemed impossible. At times I felt like a zombie from fatigue. Then life would unfold, as it does, with bad days or challenging behaviors from my kiddos. I would in turn fall off an emotional cliff. I would start to feel trapped, that things would not and could not change. The constant refrain in my thoughts was, “Everything is so hard and everything will always be hard. There is no escape to this painful situation.” Hopelessness quickly set in and I felt caged. Because I did not feel equipped to handle that moment I felt hopeless to ever be able to handle parenting. Imagine feeling that your worst moods, moments or thoughts would last forever and there was no escaping them.
Thank goodness for mindfulness and self-compassion. Now when I am exhausted I can remember this is temporary. It is interesting to notice that I still have thoughts of overwhelm in difficult moments. The kids will be having a hard time and because I am exhausted I have zero patience. I get upset and irritated with them. They of course, do not respond well to this, so then I get upset with myself. Everything starts to feel really hard. The old refrain of, “It’s so hard, it has always been hard, and will always be hard,” still comes to mind but it is more temporary and fleeting. I am able to zoom out and notice my thoughts of overwhelm. “Oh wow, I am struggling and getting stuck in overwhelming thoughts.” It does not take the frustration of the moment away but it does add to the perspective that it is only temporary. Knowing the frustrating moment will not last forever brings a sense of relief. I can manage almost anything my kids throw my way for a few minutes, hours or a couple weeks. From this calmer place I can examine where the overwhelm is coming from. Such as, “It is the start of a new school year, there are new expectations, and new teachers. We are all a little tired and adjusting to the new schedule.”
Thought for the Day
When we are low on sleep, physically and/or emotionally exhausted it is normal for our internal thoughts to slip into negativity. The ninja move is to actually be able to notice the shift and identify how our tired mind has hijacked our mood and our thoughts. This takes the fuel from the fire of the negative thought spiral. With the space we have created we can remind ourselves thoughts are NOT facts and this difficult moment will pass.
Quick Win
When you are low on sleep or exhausted, notice your thoughts. Get curious and ask yourself how do my thoughts change from when I am well rested to when I am drained. On a piece of paper, make two columns. On the left write well rested mood/thoughts. On the other side write tired thoughts. In the first column write a few words that describe your mood or thoughts, if you can remember them, when you are well rested. In the second column, write a few thoughts that you commonly have when you are tired that you do not have or have less when well rested. Next time you are depleted and you notice those same negative thoughts creeping in, label them, “tired mind.” Remind yourself these thoughts are temporary and not truths.
I hope you are able to get some rest soon. You deserve it!
Thank you so much for listening. Be Well!
I have a free gift for you, our 4 step Guided Pause & Regroup, a free audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created this Guided Pause & Regroup because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.
A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.