It’s 6:30 am, and I hear a door open. My kids (or at least one) are awake. Soon, I have two kiddos on the couch with me before 7 am. They start nudging each other and arguing over the only blanket on the couch. It’s going to be a long day, and a long holiday break, I think to myself. I’m off, and my kids are too. We have 2 weeks of time off together. While part of that time will be great, filled with fun and joy there will be tough moments. Days will feel very long at times. I’m not sure which is more upsetting: the reality that everyone being off their schedule and being in the house together is tough or that the time off together is not as magical and connecting as I always hope it will be.
When the holidays come around and our schedules are off, it is easy to drop the tools that help us stay sane. Over the holidays and when our kids are home all day, we need those tools more than ever. Before getting into the ideas below, list out what you do in your everyday routine that helps you stay sane.
Below is my list of healthy habits which keep me sane:
Journaling, phone calls with family and friends, texts with friends, parenting support group, parenting coaching, yoga, running, walking, being outside, reading, watching movies, listening to music, going to coffee with a friend, lunch dates with my partner
What is on your list? Which ones do you know will have the biggest positive impact if you can continue them over the holidays? Even if you have to adjust or modify them a little or a lot, consider how you can keep as much of your routine going as possible.
Below are 5 additional tools you can add to your menu of options to survive the holiday schedule and long days with everyone home together.
1. Move your body. What are ways you enjoy moving your body? Things you would like to do not because you should but because it’s fun, you enjoy it, or you feel good after?
Ideas: taking walks, a class at the gym, running, or dancing?
How can you continue this routine over the holidays even if you have to modify or mix up your routine?
Do you need to ask your partner for help to find a time so you can sneak away?
Do you need to let your partner know you will be getting out of the house, and why?
Is there a friend you could ask to take a walk with a few times over the break?
Create a flexible plan for how you will move your body over the holidays.
If you don’t have the opportunity to do any of these things in your regular routine, what is something that sounds interesting, fun, or doable that you could try over the holidays?
In their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily Nagoski Ph.D.and Amelia Nagoski D.M.A. explain how moving your body is the primary way you can complete the stress response cycle. Stress usually goes up over the holidays for lots of different reasons. Moving our body and completing the stress response cycle can feel like a relief or a break from the stress we carry.
2. Connect. We tend to isolate ourselves when we are stressed. The more we isolate ourselves, the harder it is to cope with stress. How do you connect with friends or family in your regular routine? What could you do to connect with a friend over the holidays? Is there someone you could ask to coffee or set up a playdate for your kids (but really, it is for you and the other parent)? If you know you tend to isolate, is there a friend you could ask to reach out to you over the holidays and check in on you? You could set a reminder on your phone to text a friend daily. Double dip and take a 10-minute walk around your neighborhood while chatting with a friend.
3. Journal. It is normal to carry a lot of stress around the holidays. There are many reasons people feel stressed. A few, but certainly not all, include: finances, meeting others’ expectations, time with family, being out of routine, and having enough time to get everything done. Not to mention, our normal stressors do not magically go away when all of these situational ones are heaped on top, such as preparing meals, schedules, work stress,and relationship stress.
Journaling for 5 minutes at the start or end of your day can be a helpful way to offload some of those stressors so you are not carrying quite so much.
4. Do something for you. What is something you would enjoy doing today? Often, we are so focused on our kids, meeting their needs, and the endless to-do list that we forget ourselves. What is something you would enjoy doing today? Do you want to get outside, take a shower or a bath, take a nap, or read? What sounds indulgent and slightly out of reach? Can you give yourself permission to let the kids watch an extra show, leave the dishes, and do something nice for you? Brainstorm a list of possibilities. The more burned out you are, the harder this list will be to make. Also, the harder it is to make the list or the more impossible it feels to do any of these things for yourself, likely the more you need it. It will be helpful to make the list ahead of time because the more in the weeds you are, the more impossible it will feel.
5. Do something YOU enjoy doing with your kids. What is something you would find fun to do with your kids, a movie, making cookies, getting outside or out of the house? A movie hopefully is accessible but if it is something harder like making cookies, set your expectations very low. Depending on the age of your kiddo(s) maybe you let them put in one or two ingredients, stir, etc. Then, you finish up once they have gotten bored. If you have multiple kids you might have a show on as well so the others have something to do while they are waiting for their turn. If you want to get out of the house, keep it to one outing and keep it short. You know your kids, what they can and cannot handle so set your expectations and plan accordingly.
Thought for the Day
Use these suggestions to create a plan to stay sane over the holidays. If you are like me, you might like to map out your day or days over the break. Be prepared to be flexible and throw out your plans as needed. Planning ahead will help you avoid some pitfalls and be ready for others. Putting yourself first will help you feel less dread when the kids are awake at 6:30 am and maybe even give you things to look forward to in your day. If all your plans go sideways, snuggle up and watch a movie together (maybe even every day). This is not failure; this is self-compassion, which is a win.
Quick Win
1. Move your body
2. Connect
3. Journal
4. Do something for you
5. Do something you enjoy with your kids
Thank you so much for listening. Be Well!
I have a free gift for you, the Guided Audio Pause & Regroup, a free guided audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links or at Compassionate Heart Mindful Life.com. I created the Guided Pause & Regroup because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and losing my patients in parenting.
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A reminder: This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.