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“This week, I am going to play with my kids every day.” My intentions were always good. Over the years, I have repeatedly set intentions to play more with my kids. It feels like there is some block to me being playful or playing more with my kids. After reading Playful Parenting by Dr. Lawrence Cohen and Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges by Patty Wipfler & Tosha Schore, I was all in on play. I wanted to connect with my kids using their language: play. Why was it so hard to do something I believed wholeheartedly and genuinely wanted to do regularly with my kids?
Why Is Play So Hard for Parents?
It is not uncommon for play to feel like a chore for adults. What is unclear is what makes it so challenging for us as adults. After all, weren’t we once kids, too, who enjoyed play. Where did all that playful and lightheartedness go? Last week, I shared one huge obstacle to play for many parents, which is parent burnout. There may also be more subtle, less obvious reasons why play does not come easily or naturally to us as adults. Another obstacle for many parents, including myself, is business. We have to-do lists a mile long. We are running from activity to activity, and when we are home, we are often in the kitchen cleaning up after the last meal or making the next one. Finding and carving out time for play can be a challenge. There are some things we can do to create a little more space in our lives for play, even when we are super busy.
Set a Timer
Setting a 3 to 5-minute timer became my best friend when it came to play. It felt manageable to find 3 to 5 minutes to give each kiddo my undivided attention to do what they wanted to do. As with many things, the hardest part can just be getting started. Once I was actually playing, sometimes I would add more time to the timer. The hardest part about doing short bursts of play is your kids will be having so much fun that they will want more time. This can easily trigger our guilt. So be proactive and remind yourself that you created space to play with your kiddo today. That is a WIN! Your kiddo would want more time if you played with them for an hour or hours. They love you and love spending time with you, so they will always want more and they will be grateful to get even a few minutes even if they can’t tell you themselves.
Spontaneous Play
Another trick that has made play more accessible is not only relying on special time with its set rules for play. I have found the sprinkling in little moments of play throughout the day to be more doable when I think of it. It is also an excellent practice for living more light-heartedly. A few of my favorites are waking my kids up with their stuffed animals. Pretending their stuffed animals want to go to school with them. They fight over who gets to go. They hid under their shirts so they could be stowaways. My kids love this one, and it’s a warm, gentle way to start the school day.
Another I like is a spontaneous game of chase around the kitchen for any silly reason that comes to mind. “Give me that waffle. I want waffles today, and that’s the last one.” My kids always join in on the chase and smile and laugh, which makes me smile. It also feels accessible because I tell myself I can just chase them around the kitchen 3 times. Three times, it feels doable, like something I can manage even when I am tired.
Toss an object
Our lives are centered around the kitchen, so I have incorporated the kitchen towels into a playful tool. When the kids are sitting on the couch and maybe ignoring some request I have made or are starting to bicker I can toss a towel their way and say, “Heads up! r Hey! Think fast!” While this does not usually turn into a game, they do seem to appreciate that I am trying to get their attention in a light-hearted way versus yelling at them, lecturing or nagging. (All of which I also do and it is not fun for me either.)
Thought for the day
A little play goes a long way. Never underestimate how little playful moments with your kiddos can brighten their day, strengthen your connection, and grease the wheels for tough stuff like getting to school. You do not have to overwhelm yourself with should and have-to when it comes to play that feels daunting or out of reach. You can keep it small and accessible, doing what you can when you can.
Quick Win
1. Set a timer for whatever feels doable to you. Start with a short time of 3 – 5 minutes, and try your best to enjoy the play that unfolds and be in the moment with your kiddo.
2. Spontaneous play can be the most fun and shortest bursts of play throughout the day. Use my ideas, brainstorm your own or notice how your kids find little ways to play throughout their day and follow their lead.
3. Toss an object. No matter where you are or what room of your house you are in, there are likely little soft objects or towels that you can toss your kiddos way. I challenge you to consider how you could get playful by tossing a kitchen towel or small stuffy.
This blog is dedicated to my play mentors the late Chiara Rossetti (who was taken from us too soon) and Helena Mooney. I joined their Play Collective group about 2 – 3 years ago. They have shared countless ideas of how to incorporate play into my parenting. They have helped me find ways to make play more accessible when for the longest time it felt out of reach. I love their creative ideas. Thank you Helena and Chiara!