Even after having a regular mindful meditation practice for three years, I can still struggle with stress. Recently, I was aware of my stress level slowly creeping up as the week went on. I was conscious of the many possible reasons why my stress level was increasing and I still found myself reactive with my kids.
It’s one thing if my stress level affects me, but when it negatively impacts the people I love it’s a lot harder to accept. I was committed to giving a training on Friday, and as Friday approached, my mood became increasingly low. Not exactly because of the talk, I was actually looking forward to giving the training. I loved the topic and I love giving talks. Internal tension was steadily rising because I was increasingly stressed about being adequately prepared.
Then everything started to bother me more and more. Things that would normally be little irritants started to feel overwhelming and upsetting. For example, how much TV my kids were watching. I had to set a limit and they had been watching the same amount of TV all summer but this particular week I began to question my decision and worry they were having too much screen time. I started ruminating about how much TV and screen time was too much and how it might be impacting them. I also started to get upset and overwhelmed about being over the family budget that month and continuing to spend money. Usually being over the budget is not even on my radar and now it began to feel like a crisis. These stressors prompted me to turn to mindful meditation for support and perspective.
WTF?!?! I hate how stress is like compounding interest and builds on itself.
Fortunately my mindfulness practice did help me out of this spiral … eventually. While all of this was unfolding I couldn’t stop the emotions or the thoughts. I was more aware that the enormity of my emotions may be situational due to the increased stress from giving this training.
Seeing this unfold, more like an observer versus being in the struggle, also allowed me to reach out for help. I texted my parenting coach and offloaded my struggles, frustrations, overwhelms and fears. I also shared what was happening with my listening partner in our weekly call. I told my partner I was increasingly struggling. In response I got the support and understanding I needed. Engaging in mindful meditation didn’t remove the upsetting feelings or change the situation causing the stress. However, it did help me gain comfort and feel less alone in my stress. I also became more aware that I needed to get outside and move my body. Being outside is a huge mood lifter for me, so I began walking or running in the evenings after dinner.
Mindful compassion does not take away difficult negative or painful feelings. It’s not a magic bullet or a pill. It does help us be more aware of our inner world. Then we have the opportunity to respond with healthy ways to meet our needs versus being hijacked and mindlessly coping with alcohol, screens, food or shopping. The list goes on and on. Either way we are going to attempt to self sooth. Mindful compassion gives us more choice and agency, and how we cope. P.S. you can mindfully choose one of the above as well which would then be an act of mindful self-compassion. We are less likely to go overboard with mindful acts of self-compassion. Engaging in mindful meditation can enhance our ability to choose healthier coping strategies.
Quick win:
During times of high stress or big emotions, I invite you to zoom out and see what your stressors are and what’s at play. Is one big stressor creating a snowball effect making other smaller things feel bigger and more overwhelming? What is 1 or 2 things you might need to offer yourself more support and self-compassion during this time of stress? Possible ideas: a bath, 5 min of yoga on YouTube, reach out to a friend for coffee or to vent.
I have a free gift for you, our 4 step Guided Pause & Regroup, a free audio pause for when you are about to lose or have just lost it with your kids and you need a moment to regroup. Find the audio download in the links. I created this Guided Pause & Regroup because it is exactly what I needed when I was struggling with anger and yelling in parenting.
P.S. I’d love to hear how you used a quick win in your life to get through a tough moment. Email or DM me on instagram to share your story.
Thank you so much for listening. Be Well!
A reminder
This content is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a replacement for private psychotherapy services. Compassionate Heart Mindful Life does not provide psychotherapy services in any capacity.
I am a therapist but I am not your therapist and this is not therapy and should not be a substitute for mental health treatment. If you need mental health treatment please find a qualified professional in your area.